Confusion

So I went to see mum last night. It was traumatic! She doesn't know where she is, she thinks the hospital is a B&B and insists there are all sorts of people there. She told me they had had a complete refurbishment that day. Nothing she said made any sense, it's the worst I've seen her. 

She doesn't remember she has had the op and has to have a nurse with her at all times. The staff have been fantastic but it must be a huge drain on resources. Dementia patients apparently suffer less with the pain, and she certainly has no problem thinking she can just get up and wander around! She is meant to use a frame but doesn't understand why.

She is having trouble processing what she sees. At first I thought they were simple hallucinations, but it's more like her brain just can't process what she's seeing and just makes something up, rather than inventing something completely. We had pigs, penguins, birds, frogs, and cats that eat other cats, all while she's trying to make sense of her surroundings.

She told me the thermometer was to warm your ear up so things worked better, and that there had been a baby in the bed opposite her. It's all very distressing. Mum was due a full psychiatric assessment at home on Monday. She won't be home by then so the matron has said that they will do it at the hospital.

Because she doesn't remember the fact she's had the op her recovery is going to be complicated. She won't be allowed home until she understands what she must and mustn't do. And when she does come home it will be very challenging. Mums nature is stubborn and independent, because she doesn't think there is anything wrong with her she does not accept help easily. It's going to be a long battle.

Recovery

Mum has come through her hip op well. Apparently people with dementia don't seem to suffer as much pain, so her meds are being kept low to avoid her getting more confused. She is confused though, not about the op but just generally. She told my sister that the hospital had given her yesterday's baked potato with runner beans on top, for breakfast. She wasn't even there for breakfast! She also believes that the oxygen mask up her nose is to stop bugs from going up there! And it was made from the bridge of her glasses!

I never know quite how to react to these statements. Am I supposed to tell her it's rubbish or go along with it? She's convinced that it's true and I don't want to create an arguement but I worry she'll say something one day that causes trouble.

They are keeping a vey close eye on her and appear to be experienced with after care of dementia patients. I'm going to visit after work tonight and see how she's doing. I wonder what she'll tell me?!

Long Day Ahead

Mum has gone into hospital this morning. Confused is an understatement. Her packing was far from adequate. With lots of things she didn't need and lots if things she didn't have! Got to the hospital and she forgot she was actually having the op, thought she was just having a check up! Nasty shock! Her op is at two. Nurses have been primed that she gets forgetful and confused, but I worry how she will cope when she comes round. It's going to be a long day.

Living without Mum

So life has a habit of mixing things up. It wasn't meant to be what this blog was about, but it looks like things have changed. Life gets complicated, then it's hard to fit in blogging. But it's just dawned on me that keeping a track now maybe a good thing to do. 

My mum has been diagnosed with suspected Vascular Dementia. A dying off  of parts of the brain due to minature strokes. Her memory is shocking, although she recount stories from 60 years ago, she rarely knows what day it is. She sees cats that aren't there, since her own passed away. And has ridiculous fantasies about things that have happened. Or not.

Tomorrow she is due to have her hip replaced. It's terrifying! How on earth are we all going to cope? I worry that she will be very frightened and not understand.

The strong, independent woman that I knew as my mum, is fast slipping away. What was meant to be my blog about finding myself is, at least for now, about losing my mum. Maybe she'll help me on my own journey.

Struggles

How awful am I? A handle of posts then months off! It's been hard work lately, I'm not turning this post into a whinge, because everyone has hardships of their own, but it's happening in my life and I want to talk about it.

My daughter has just been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. It's not really surprising, I've had it since I was 18. We were almost expecting it. It's the timing that couldn't be worse. Half way through her final two years at high school and taking modular GCSE exams, meaning she has to sit exams twice a year! She has her future course all mapped out, with college and uni in front of her.

Now she finds herself permanently exhausted, in constant pain and not surprisingly, unable to concentrate. I have to find a way to teach her deal with each problem, and find a way to keep going. 

She originally wanted to study science and although has done extremely well so far in that area, is finding the pressure to perform too great. She has now opted to follow her artistic side and hopefully one day you'll recognise her work.

Water Fluoridation

Tonight's distraction began as a little research into the Pineal Gland, or third eye. I'll have to come back to that one as another post though, as the the Fluoridation of drinking water has taken over. I knew the connection before, as I had started searching for information on decalcifying, but I believe the topic deserves it's own post.

 I'm not a huge fan of conspiracy theories. I find them a bit like God. I won't believe something just because someone tells me I should. Maybe I'll delve into 9/11 and FEMA camps another time. It's not that I don't believe some or all of what is said, it may well all be true, but unless I have convincing evidence that I understand for myself, I simply will not jump on the band wagon. The trouble with technology today is that it is possible to make some pretty convincing videos, pop them up on YouTube and it suddenly becomes gospel. But I'm wandering from my path, conspiracy theories in depth will have to wait, but as we look at the topic of water fluoridation you'll understand why I've wandered that way!

Firstly, the source of the fluoride that is purposefully added to our drinking water is a toxic waste product of phosphate fertilizer!  Sounds tempting already, but there's more. What better way to dispose of toxic waste than by turning it into a saleable product. It was at one time a prime ingredient of bug and rat poison.  I'm not doubting it's cavity protecting abilities but are the benefits really out weighing the risks?  My water comes from a private, natural source.  Not only is it some of the nicest water I've ever tasted but it has no added elements, other than what nature has seen fit, on it's journey down the hillside.  We've lived here for five years and my children's teeth have not rotted and all fallen out in this time.

Then there is the link with Eugenics. It is said that Hitler first added fluoride to water in the ghettos in the 1930s, not to protect children's teeth, but to force sterilisation, ill health and a docile state of submission.  I don't know if this is true, but I do struggle to doubt it.  Even today we are practically force fed things like Aspartame. There are many reports about the dangers of this artificial sweetener, yet it appears in more and more products and is getting harder to avoid.  And don't even get me started on the HPV vaccine!

But anyway, fluoride causes calcification of the pineal gland, and even if you don't believe in the third eye (more on that another time) it plays havoc with melatonin production, damaging our immune systems, messing with our sleep cycles and inducing sexual maturity in our daughters.  But don't take my word for it, find out for yourself.

Wikipedia, glossing over things nicely, but with source honesty

An interesting blog post, that I haven't even completed yet

Please delve further if you want to, but you'll just find more of the same!

Hmmmmm......

Blogger appears to be ignoring my paragraphs, so please bear with this post, it is not intentional that it is one long rant! In my search for blogs of interest I have come across some blogs that have prompted a few thoughts. So, without trying to offend anyone I'm going to express a few opinions. It will hopefully give a better incite into who I am also. Firstly, I will read about any subject if the article is written with intelligence and a degree of lightheartedness. For example, I'm not the type that sits at home making things, but have found some beautiful blogs either based on or including crafting articles. The first blog I followed is written by a very talented lady who makes beautiful things. Following the links of the blogs that interest her I have even been tempted to make my own Granny Square Blanket and I have never knitted in my life! On the other hand I found an Astronomy blog, and got quite excited, only to find posts with just links to other sites. No personal thoughts or input. I want to get excited about the things that excite you, I want to feel your passion for your chosen topic. Astronomy interests me enough to find out what's going on for myself. Religion. You are all entitled to your own beliefs and me to mine. I'm an Atheist but if you believe in a God that's fine. Personally I think there is more to it than that, and believe that religion was designed as a way of controlling people and to explain what science had yet to answer. People who are heavily into religion frustrate me, simply because to me it defies logic. Have your beliefs and treasure them, they are part of what makes you, you, but please don't try to convince me to join you. And don't tell me I'm going to Hell, I've heard it all before. Self Harm. Disturbingly, I found blogs about self harm and suicide. Personally I think they should be banned. Maybe it makes some people feel better about how shit their own life is but we all have a problems to deal with and blogging about self harm is irresponsible and attention seeking. I have no time whatsoever for this type of blog. Sometimes I get frustrated when someone's interests seem to go off on a tangent that doesn't fit with my own ideas. I have to remind myself that this doesn't mean they aren't interesting or intelligent people, and that they won't have written something that grabs my attention. So come on folks, tell me about something I don't know, pull me in and show me something new!